How Can I Help You?

I was thinking that today I would talk to you about one of my personal mantras. I must be honest, I borrowed it from Dr. Max Goodwin on New Amsterdam TV series. However, it is changing my life one interaction at a time.

The mantra is, “How can I help you?” It is easy in some cases when you see someone in need or even when you ask yourself. It’s a little different when I am in a situation that is not easy or when I am in opposition to someone. Then when I say, How can I help you?” things get jiggy. I have been in situations where I am frustrated or annoyed with someone. That is when I stop myself and say, “How can I help you?” This often catches them off guard. It honestly sometimes sounds ridiculous to me. However, it has proven quite successful. It forces me to lean into my feelings and realize that I now have put myself in a position where I have changed my perspective during an oppositional situation.

I’ll give you an example. I had an employee who literally had me at the end of my patience. I was frustrated and truth be told, I was pissed off. We started having “the” conversation we knew was coming, and it started off a little rough. I decided to pause and say, “How can I help you?” It totally threw him off because he was prepared to be defensive. It felt absurd to hear me say those words in that moment. Wow did the dynamics shift. There was a long pause, then he began to tell me things that were going on at work and home. He began to tell me how he was feeling about things. I found myself really listening and my perspective started to shift. I then told him some of the things that had me feeling pissed off and frustrated. Here’s the big deal. I was saying them from a much different place and in a far different tone that when the conversation began. He was really listening to me. This conversation was two people speaking to be understood instead of just speaking to be right. By the time we finished our conversation, we had recalibrated things in such a way that he wanted to meet the expectations that he knew existed and I understood why he had fallen short previously. Bottom line: it was a super productive conversation. This could have gone completely in the opposite direction where we both left still frustrated, angry and full of toxicity.

It takes a risk to use this technique in daily life. It would have been a complete disaster a few years ago. Why? It would have failed because I wasn’t ready to really understand the power in that question. I would have believed myself to be showing weakness or naivete, when what it shows is that I have a firm grasp of my personal power. I can stand in that power and confidently change the dynamics of situations.

That change from a couple of years ago to the present situation came through hard work. Personal healing and personal growth took place so that I can be a stronger person who can affect positive changes in my live and the lives of others. That’s a big reason why I wanted to start Heal & Grow 365.

I am loving the interactions that I am getting from people reading this blog, and I thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. These interactions have increased my interest in working directly with you either in a group or one-on-one setting. I am planning some things and would love your input! Take a moment and think about you, your current situation and all that is happening around you. See if you can think of something that we could work on together or something that you think would improve your current situation. How can I help you? Is it meditation, mindfulness, breathing techniques, energy work or a personal growth session? If you look at my offerings on the website and aren’t sure what works for you, email or reach out and we can customize something for you. I am putting together a 1-day Mindfulness Day Retreat. I also have some other ideas that I am kicking around. I would love any suggestions of what you may want to see me cover on that day. I am doing Zoom and some limited in person sessions. I also can make the Mindfulness Day a hybrid of in person and Zoom offering.